Dec 23, 2014 · 1 minute

Remember running down the stairs on Christmas morning to find that shiny new bicycle under the Christmas tree? Or, if nothing else, pondering wistfully that some luckier, alternate-reality version of yourself is experiencing that ideal Christmas morning somewhere in the multiverse?

Well, judging by a new video put out by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), bicycles are out, and quadcopters are in.

Set to the yuletide rhythm of jingle bells and some weird copyright-avoiding bastardization of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," the FAA's latest video advises Americans "how to stay off the naughty list" when playing with this year's hottest toy: Unmanned aerial vehicles or drones. The narrator, who sounds like she recorded her voiceover in an underground bunker, offers safety tips and warnings, while cheesy 1990s computer animated drones emerge from presents and fly around the screen. I guess I'm glad the government didn't spend too much taxpayer money on a weird lame YouTube video.

The video's recommendations include flying your drone below 400 feet, taking a lesson before flying, and avoiding airports, stadiums, and people in general. Tellingly, it also warns against flying drones for payment or commercial purposes unless specifically authorized by the FAA.

Not to bring too critical eye on a government-funded instructional video, but I wish the narrator had explained why these rules are worth following, instead of just listing them off like a scolding parent. The video is akin to the mother in A Christmas Story, who warns Ralphie that if she buys him an air rifle he'll "poke his eye out," without really explaining how this might happen. That doesn't stop her from buying him one anyway, and lo and behold, Ralphie does suffer an injury his first time out with the gun.

I have a bad feeling that this holiday season, drones will result in a lot of proverbial -- and hopefully not literal -- "poked-out eyes."