Jun 24, 2015 · 2 minutes

I’ve spent the past few days locked in a Palm Springs hotel room, coordinating Pando’s redesign. Today I emerged, blinking and confused, into the 110 degree sunshine to snatch an hour or so by the pool before heading back to San Francisco.

My need for poolside reading prompted me, as it often does, to dig through the latest pile of lawsuits filed against major Internet companies.

Given yesterday’s report that defense contractor Palantir Technologies is raising $500m at a $20bn valuation, my eye settled on a hefty looking suit recently filed in Maryland by one Brett Kimberlin of Bethesda. The suit names Palantir, the United States Chamber of Commerce, HB Gary and a whole cast of characters, real and possibly imagined.

Specifically, Kimberlin alleges that Palantir and others conspired to spy on him, threaten his business and do all kinds of other loony-sounding things to stop him revealing how the illuminati runs the US Chamber of Commerce. (I’m paraphrasing.)

It’s absolutely delightful and very likely total horseshit. Either way, it's destined to be this summer’s smash hit read. Dan Brown wishes he could write like this....

This is a lawsuit about Defendants' un-American activities such as domestic spying, subterfuge, and using hacking, malware, propaganda, disinformation, forgery, fraud, extortion, and computer fraud to destroy and harm a fellow American engaged in legal and protected First Amendment and business activities.
The Defendants' secret plans included infiltration of non-profits with fake insiders, creation of fake documents, waging electronic warfare, investigating and exploiting staff and their families, and utilizing former military and intelligence contractors to carry out these operations.
This is a case about a powerful law firm, H&W, in its role as a leader, conduit, bagman and consigliere to commit these reprehensible acts on behalf of the United States Chamber of Commerce ("COC).
This is a case about H&W soliciting and contracting with military cyber security intelligence contractors with a history of targeting foreign terrorists to target Plaintiff using the same techniques. Plaintiff was designated as a "Tier I" target, the highest-level target in their lexicon.
Because he was cooperating with federal officials in investigations of the Chamber's criminal activity. H&Wand its lawyers, Defendants John Woods, Richard Wyatt, and Robert Quackenboss, provided the means,
opportunity and legal cover for the other Defendants to conspire and engage in RICO activity and violate Plaintiffs civil rights by targeting him for that cooperation.

These lawyers were part of a Nixonian black ops team within H&W that engaged in extra legal activities to protect their corporate clients. This team acted in secret and reported only to the senior partners of H&W. Some documents related to the activities of the team were kept off or removed from the official premises of H&W. During the time period set forth in this Complaint, H&W received millions of dollars in compensation from COC,some of which was used to fund its criminal conduct.

Robert Quackenboss! A Nixonian black ops team! (The very blackest of black ops teams!)

Here’s the full document…


(Disclosure: Palantir founder Peter Thiel is an investor in Pando. Makes you think, doesn’t it?)