Jan 20, 2016 · 0 minutes

Yesterday morning the tech world awoke to a couple of curious news items. Automaker GM has bought the assets of failed ridesharing company Sidecar. Stranger still, Spanish language broadcaster Univision has acquired a controlling stake in… The Onion.

Oh, techpocalypse. It’s going to be that kind of year.

So here they are: Pando’s predictions for 2016.

February

Bennigans buys Metacafe

March

Barnes and Noble buys Segway

April

Wite-Out buys Gawker

May

Radioshack buys Adam Sandler

June

Delta buys ABC’s “Last Resort”

July

The state of Michigan buys POGs

August

RIM buys Smash Mouth

September

Penthouse buys Upworthy

October

AARP buys MySpace

November

Sears buys The Intercept

December

Yahoo buys Twitter