Jul 20, 2016 ยท 3 minutes

Of all the 10,000 excuses generated by the RNC’s Donald Trump excuse machine in the past 48 hours, my favorite has to be their official explanation for Melania Trump’s plagiarism.

Talking to Wolf Blitzer, Republican strategist Sean Spicer explained that the quotes in Mrs Trump speech stolen from Michelle Obama might just as easily have been taken from the My Little Pony character Twilight Sparkle:

In his interview, Spicer referred to one phrase, "the strength of your dreams and willingness to work for them." "Twilight Sparkle from 'My Little Pony' said, 'This is your dream. Anything you can do in your dreams, you can do now,'" Spicer told Wolf Blitzer.

Now, most commentators assumed that Spicer was clamoring for any way to muddy the waters around Mrs Trump’s clear theft of Mrs Obama’s words. His implication being that Trump no more stole from the first lady than he did a My Little Pony.

But in their rush to mock Spicer, those same commentators are missing the other possibility: That Mrs Trump stole the bulk of the plagiarized words from Obama, but also pilfered from Twilight Sparkle.

Consider: Would it really be more bizarre than any other aspect of the Trump family and Donald Trump’s insane presidential campaign if we learned that Mrs Trump cribbed from My Little Pony in preparing her remarks?

And so, with the prospect of a First Lady who draws her inspiration from a purple pony with goth hair and a pink star tattooed on her ass, I consulted some Twilight Sparkle biographers (that is, this Wikipedia page and a Brony forum I just Googled) to find some other quotes from Ms Sparkle which might indicate the policy positions of America’s potential next first lady.

Twilight Sparkle on National Security:

Twilight Sparkle: Take a note please, to the princess.
Spike: Okey-dokey!
Twilight Sparkle: "My dearest teacher, my continuing studies of pony magic have lead me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster."
Spike: Hold on! "Prece... prece...." [beat]
Twilight Sparkle: .."Threshold."
Spike: "Threi..." [another beat]
Twilight Sparkle: Um, "brink"?
[...]
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh, "that something bad is about to happen"!


Twilight Sparkle on Education:

Twilight Sparkle: I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them... I don't even know what they do!
Pinkie Pie: [finds a book] "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide".
Twilight Sparkle: How did you find that?
Pinkie Pie: [singsong] It was under "E"!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh.

Twilight Sparkle on Foreign Policy:

Twilight Sparkle: That’s just it. Just when I learn how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them.
Princess Celestia: Spike, take a note, please. [Spike writes something as she dictates.] "I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings, from her new home...in Ponyville!"
[Twilight's friends gather around her.]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, thank you, Princess Celestia! I’ll study harder than ever before!


Twilight Sparkle on Law and Order:

Twilight Sparkle: You have no idea what the Princess is gonna do when she finds out you're the one who took her pet, do you?!
Fluttershy: Do you?
Twilight Sparkle: Well, no. But it can't be anything good! She might banish you from Equestria, or throw you in a dungeon. Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to!


Twilight Sparkle on Plagiarism:

Twilight Sparkle: Are you taking notes?
Spike: Yup! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!
Twilight Sparkle: Umm, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.